nut hugger
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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