if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize