Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
