ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
