U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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