Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
