Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
