I want to make a zoo with you.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
