Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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