We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
