redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
