dude i'm inner monologue high
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize