We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
