I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
