the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Come see our sink grown plant.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
