I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
