I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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