a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
