3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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