I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I would ride that face into the sunset
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
