lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
