Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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