Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
