I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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