her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
