I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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