Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
