Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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