the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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