dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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