They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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