Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
