careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
