New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
