she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
