Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
