If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
