In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
