Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
