Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
