I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
