when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Randomize
