um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
