He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
