if you like me you must not know who I am
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
i think my cat just said my name.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
