That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
