I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
