what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
