Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
