I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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