I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
