There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize