My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
