There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
