My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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