hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
