And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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