the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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