i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
