so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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