Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
