What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
