How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
