so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize