Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
