Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
