i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
i need some magic done to my vagina
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
