so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
