I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Can I color on your dick again?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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