this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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