Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
