so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
