belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
