went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
