I accidentally burped into my bong.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
